I'm procrastinating here. I should be writing my research paper that is due in 2 days, but I really don't feel like it.. again. So since I must write this whole thing today because I really won't want to write it tomorrow, this is just going to be an overview of my weekend.

Yesterday was horrible. The only good thing was shortened periods. But I had to make up two tests from the previous day of snow and don't even get me started on basketball.

We took some notes in physics.

Took a super easy test (once we were able to look at our notes) in religion on LOVE.

In lit we went over The Plague Year or something like that of some man's diary during the plague in England somewhere.

I was thinking yesterday.. or sometime before today.. and I decided that if I could go through it all again I wouldn't. I used to think that it was all worth it, that I would willingly set myslef up for heartbreak again, just to feel his comforting touch and surprising kisses. But I've thought about it more recently and decided I wouldn't. Sure I waited forever for that kiss, but it doesn't matter. I'd risk never getting that kiss for things to go back to normal between us. He broke it off because he missed just being friends with me. And look at us, we hardly talk. I'm not even sure there was anything ever there between us, but at least we talked and had a few laughs once in a while. We're like strangers now, complete and total strangers. It's like there's a big elepant in the room everytime we're together and we can't keep a decent conversation going for 10 minutes. I don't know if it's me not wanting to talk to him or if it's just that we've grown apart, but something is definately wrong. It might be because all we really used to talk about came first from me complaining about guys all the time. Usually mad at Alex or depressed about not being liked. He would give me advice, yell at me for always being so negative and then I'd cry, thank him for being there and he'd run off to chase his brother or watch some tv or something. And ever since after him and me, I've stopped talking about my problems with pretty much everybody. Nobody knows how I really feel, even I don't know how I really feel. I miss Grimes. I miss Joe. I miss Alex. I miss Brendon. (<-- that one almost makes me cry). Joe is right, I need to broden my possibilities. I need to get out there and meet new people. Screw our school ,it's filled with nothing but losers. BOO on Ursuline, it sucks for potential guys. haha really it does though. ::sigh:: It doesn't matter, I still feel so alone. It sucks, and though it's been so long I still can't get used to it. So much for self-esteem. If my mother only knew what goes on in this head of mine...

Yesterday.. hmm...


1st period in physics the two groups who signed up for music making performed. Mike Constantini, Dan Pratt (who I absolutely swoon over now.. shh!) and this other kid (I forget his name) were the first group. It was pretty horrible, but I voted for them anyways. lol Then Mike Shesko, Jimmy McGuire and Ralph Rich went. They were ok, not great, but better than the first group.

So my weekend basically rocked! :D  Haven't had a weekend like that in a while.



Saturday
     -My dad wakes me up at 8:45 to tell me Tiffiny's mom just called and said Tiffiny was sick so she wouldn't be at class today so Bekah and I didn't have to go. I was like heck yes! haha
     -Dad woke me up again around 11:00 asking if I still wanted to go to the girls' basketball game. I was like yea, and got up, ate breakfast, got a shower, fixed my hair, got dressed and left. Stopped at this little diner in Hanoverton called "Route 30 Cafe." It was cute. lol My mom, dad and I all had a cheeseburger and fries. Fries were heavenly. 0:)  Then we drove back up the road a ways to United High School to watch the girls beat the crap out of Mooney. :P  It was awesome, district champs.
     -Got home a little after 4:00, got changed and my stuff ready. Left for church, was first reader last night, then my dad dropped me and my mom off at Walmart.
     -Found Kelly a pair of pants and a cute pink shirt, walked over to the dollar store to get tissue paper and a bag, got in the car, tried to get ahold of Samantha. Nobody would pick up at her house so I called Kelly's house. Her dad answered and somehow Samantha knew it was me so she had Kelly's dad give her the phone. She told me the party was at 7:00 instead of 8:00 and I was like yea, I'll be there in 15 minutes.

An overview of my week:

Tuesday
     -My first real day back to school.  After being sick, going to school Thursday and practically dying and having a nice long weekend, it sucked to go back to school. Lots of teachers were out because of sickness though.

Wednesday
     -We had our Junior retreat. Dropped my brother off at school then my mom took me to the Ursuline Center. It was better than I expected, but nonetheless, pretty boring. First we listened to the one nun talk forever and Fr. Murphy of course talk forever. And I almost fell asleep. Then we did this art thing where we drew something that described us and then passed it around to everybody else at the table and they added their ability to it. They should have given us more time for that one, but it wasn't bad. Then we went to different rooms and such to listen to speakers. Kelly, Trisha, Samantha, Nick Kish, Rachael, Maggie, Gina and I don't remember who else all had the chapel first. Karis was her name I believe and she teaches yoga. She talked about... actually I have no clue what she taked about. And then we attempted a little yoga, but not a lot, so it was boring. Then I was scheduled to room AB. I walk in and low and behold Mrs. Peccia is there. I get all excited because I looove Mrs. Peccia. She is the sweetes lady in the world. :)  So then Grimes, Novotney and Mary walk in. I almost died. But I wasn't about to let it spoil anything. I sat next to Grimes anyways, and told him to take me home. (Which later on he said it'd be best if he didn't take me, meany!)  :'(  So she talked about howit was just her and her mom when she was born and then they moved in with her grandmother and grandfather. They couldn't afford much so her grandfather would take her to the junk yard to get toys other people had thrown away and he would carry home some tools. Her family could not afford a Catholic school, though it was only $50 at the time, so she went to public schools. She married and had kids and one day her husband said hospitalization was getting to be too expensive and she needed a job. One person she knew from Ursuline offered her a job and she said she would take it if she could have hospitalization. They said fine and she started out as just a helper. Then when the main secretary left, she was offered that position. She took it, putting a smile on her face and all the kindness of an army in her heart. And that is how she became known as the famous Mrs. Peccia, who is cared for and loved because she cares for and loves us. I'm going to miss her so much next year. She announced that she would be retiring, and everybody is asking "How in the world will the school run?!?!" Though she may not know it, she is the backbone of organization. Yes, mrs. Flemming and her secretaries run the school, but Mrs. Peccia does so much more than "work in the office." She is amazing and will truely be missed by all. So... where was I... right... We then went to mass in the chapel. OMG! Fr. George is awesome! He has long hair, flunked out of a prestigious high school, was a soccer star in high school, surfs... just so many cool things that you would never believe a priest would do. Then we ate lunch, had a discussion, listened to more talking of Fr. Murphy and the nun and watched a boring movie. Then we got to leave like 20 minutes early. Kelly's mom took me home. Then I just chilled til my dad came home with the balsa wood. I built my bridge in... about 6 hours, then went to bed. ((Sometime during the day Joe was talking to Mary and then turned around to see me and ran, then wouldn't talk to me. I saw Mary laying on his shoulder during mass and boy was I heated. I asked him when he IMed me what was going on and he really wouldn't say. But he did manage to make me feel like crap. He feels really uncomfortable around me because I'm "too clingy" (I give too many hugs and lay on him; boyfriend/girlfriend stuff). And he said something about sex and I was like see, that's what I'm talking about, you act like you like me, yet a lot of the time you don't show it. He's like I just want to have sex with you, I didn't mean to make you think I liked you. I told him that if that was true then things would definately be different between us. He was like yea, sex isn't that important to me, just because a guy wants to have sex doesn't mean he likes you and I don't think we could be friends anymore because sex talk is all we have. I'm like this is crap, but I refuse to waste anymore time fighting and arguing with him. We only have a short time left together and he seems to feel bad about it anyways. I don't know, I'm upset because I thought things would go somewhere, but I should have seen it coming, nothing ever goes my way.))

Thursday
     -Turned in bridge for physics. Finally brought in my mouse trap racer. Showed Mrs. Stolle my notecards for the research paper (she was uber impressed)  :)  Then I slept most of fourth. It's just so boring in algebra, and with my sleep deprivision (big word from psychology) ;)  I just couldn't stay awake. Then Mr. Sam wasn't in school, (I later found out he was in the hospital) so we had a sub and had to take notes. Lunch... was... I don't remember. Then in multi-media arts, Chris Eddie and I went to the auditiorium to film stuff for our project. hehe We basically just goofed off. The stage was set for the winter play ("Rumors") so there is a bar with bottles of alcohol on it. So I pretended to pour some drinks and then walked out of the one door, down the steps, poured a drink then plopped on the couch. haha It was so silly. And then we went outside to get a *panning of the school building. (*not sure if I used the word correctly - m.m.a. word, Chris used it) It was soo pretty out, snow was lightly falling and because everybody was inside, there were no tire marks or foot prints in it yet. (Of course we ruined that, but it was still pretty). I started singing the raindrop song, but snowflakes in place of raindrops. But I couldn't think of anything to say after snowflakes. So I stopped and then just sang it with raindrops instead. And Chris was filming so you can hear me singing and then going "Ahh, ahh ahhahh, ahh ahhahh, ahh ahhahh." :P I'm so silly, I know, but it was so fun. Until he put the camera in my face and I was like "Nooooooo!" haha Oh yea, Chris attempted to film Mrs. Williams and she screamed "Get that thing out of my face!!!" haha She's awesome that Mrs. Williams. Then we went to choir and sang the Irishy Kingy song. lol And then I came home and don't remember what i did. Well I watched the O.C. (very awesome episode, Summer and Seth are kindasorta back together) :P  ::sigh:: Makes me sad, I want a boyfriend.

Friday (today)
     -We did the egg drop. Nickish was my partner. I brought in the egg (successfully not breaking it and making a mess) and we made our little contraption out of paper. Nickish made a face on the egg and called him Bob. He had hair, and two eyes, and a smile, and then "Don't kill me!" was added, along with a cigarette. haha (Ralph Rich thought that's what the phrase was at first). So Nickish made a cone out of a sheet, and I made my box, and we were trying to think of how to do it. Then he "made" a parachute out of another sheet. And I was like OMG! we should tape the box in the cone and the egg in the box... I'm a genious! (That doesn't know how to spell that word =x). So yea, it worked, sorta. The box kind of fell out when I dropped it and it got a little crack in it. And there were two others who had just a crack, but Coasta Kolitsos beat us because his weighed less. So not fair, hmph! lol Bob ended up dying anyways, Mr. Mohr threw him away. :(  And he gave me an F in his class, again. ugh! I'm so screwed, especial since I got a deficiency in m.m.a. too because I was lazy and didn't turn in the log sheets on time. heh, all well. I turned them in now, so hopefully I'll be able to get my grade up. So not much else going on today... slept in algebra again. Woke up to McKelvey tapping me repetatively on the shoulder only to listen to Mr. Brooks tell a joke. It was funny, but he ruins it with all of the details and extra nonsense. But class was ending soon anyways, so I wasn't too mad at him. lol At lunch I attempted to talk to Joe. Not too much of a conversation, it was awkward. He was poking Alex and kinda messing around with her and it was sad, because he hates when I do that. :\ He's so mean and confusing and hypocritical and he lied to me again. He said he broke up with Maddie, which is pure bull crap. ugh! Him and his lying, it never seems to end. I got lost 7th period! I had to make up a quiz so I was in the learning center. I got done early so headed up to Mrs. Williams' room, nobody there. I figured she was gone so I checked studyhall room, nobody there. So i checked Mrs. Liptack's room, didn't see anybody in there from choir. But Ricky came out of the bathroom and asked what I was doing, if I was going in the bathroom to pee. I was like no, I can't find where my class is. He was like "Oh, well it's just me and Hutch in here waisting time." haha He's hilarious. So I see Ms. Welsh. I'm like awsome, maybe she'll know. She said to check in the auditorium, but I was sceptical because we never go in there unless we have practice (which is only on Tuesdays and Thursdays). I said thanks and after she asked some weird question I didn't know the answer to I followed Mrs. Miller's class to the auditorium. There Mrs. Williams was, standing right there. Heh, too weird. There was only 15 minutes left of class and I was so tired. Talked with Monica a little, then bell rang. I headed to my locker and ran into Nickish. He needed to talkto Mr. Brooks about some tutoring thing and for some reason I had to go with him. So then I race to my locker, run down the stairs, and fling open the doors only to find the bus has departed. Thank goodness I had my phone and I didn't have to ride the basketball bus to Salem. So my daddy picked me up when he left grandpa's (he had a doctor's appointment) and we went home. I got ready for the game, left a little after 5:00, stopped at B.B. Rooners for some grub where we met the owner who is also an "Ursuline dad" and very nice at that. Got to the high school at 6:45 and then our game started at 8:00. We played Mooney, first playoff game. It was sooo close at the beginning and even closer at the end. We were up almost 20 points at half time and the final score was 60 something to like 59 with 21 seconds left in the game. It was called on account of a fight. The ref must have got sick of the tension and just said it was over. Some kid from Mooney turned Terry around and pushed him into the stands and that's how it started. Everybody crowded around and then it split up with Alex holding back Kerry. He was soo mad and threw Alex off of him and when he did that he fell flat on his face. I felt soo bad for him, but couldn't help but laugh. So it ended on one horrible note, but we won! :D  Oh, and Mary decided to go and tumble during a timeout. Heh, Christina and I were just a little heated. So we went out next time and showed how a real tumbling pass goes. ;)


And now I am home... so tired... and have to get up to be "evaluated" tomorrow for our Good News class... ugh! can't wait.


Girls play Mooney tomorrow at United. And it's Kelly's b-day party. And then I must go see the play on Sunday, but Kelly and Trisha want to go to the mall. :(  I'll have to see what goes on, I might be sick of them by Sunday afternoon. lol




Anyways, I'm sleepy.
     night - sweet~dreamz
                                       _court

So I'm sitting here, attempting to print out my log sheets due like three weeks ago and the other ones that were due on Thursday. First of all, brother didn't plug in or install the printer on his new computer yet, so that had to be done. Then we were wrestling with the printer, yet again, because it has a mind of its own. It likes to take multiple pieces of paper or take the piece of paper in crooked so it crumbles up inside while printing. It runs out of ink at the most important times and decides to only have one or two sheets of paper in it when you don't realize it and need five or six (so then it gets all messed up and takes forever to fix). hehe My brother finally got his computer together and working about two weeks ago I think. He got fans for it and other crap he needed. Well, I'm pretty sure it was last Tuesday. I has stayed home from school because of bronchitus and was on the couch working. He came downstares and took the air freshener upstairs, sprayed it and brought it back down. I asked him what he was doing at he just had a pouty face. Then my dad comes home, goes upstairs and complains of the smell. So finally at dinner I find out he blew up the darn thing and almost caught the house on fire. hahaha I was dying. Too funny. So he figured out the other day that it was his power supply that blew and he bought a new one. So now it works and he purchased a 19" flat panel LCD monitor - don't I sound all computer literate on that one. ;)  So yes that was random rambling. My weekend, let's see:

Thursday
     -nothing

Friday
     -got up uber early for practice (BLECH!)
     -talked about Mary and Jenna and Maureen (gossiped and bitched to be precise)
     -died at the basketball game (we were made to do our whole routine, tumbling, falling and all)

Saturday
     -got up uber early again for practice
     -listened to Mary deny starting rumor about Jeanette
     -concluded Kasandra has been pulled into the "click"
     -watched as the other stupid cheerleaders cried and squirmed as they forgot and touched the wrestling mats (hehehe such dumb girls)
     -waited around the lobby for my parents for a half hour to go over my grandpa's
     -waited around outside of my grandpa's for a half hour because he forgot what time we were coming and we didn't have a key until Aunt DeDe came
     -"broke" into his house and made ourselves comfortable
     -ate KFC and watched some basketball catching up a bit with Aunt Chris

I should go to bed, I have to get up around 8:00 to leave by 9:00 for YSU. Yea, cheerleading competition, can't you tell I'm so excited. But hey, I normally would be, but see, I'm just getting over bronchitus, we're forced to tumble three passes, plus do about 7 jumps, and all the cheers and dancing and.. BLECH! I died today, but do you think Jody cared.. heck no. And there is waay too much drama going on for me. Yes, I admit to talking behind Mary's back and agreeing they have pulled Kasandra in their little "group," but that's because I am against them.. Mary and Jenna. UGH! OMG! Kasandra was being so annoying today. I forget what she was talking about, but she was saying something making it seem like she was perfect and knew everything and had been cheering for three years.. she's a sophmore! It's her first year on the squad! I make a comment to her to help her, she blows it off. Not a half hour later she makes a stupid ass comment to me. Oh, and we have to watch and pay attention to everybody, but when Christina, Ally and me go up they're in a group talking. And you want to know about what.. Jeanette. Yea, about the whole rumor thing with her being pregnant and who started it and all this crap. And then Carly just has to bring Joe into the conversation. OH! You don't know how heated I was when she said his name. GRR! He is one of my best friends and I hate when I'm standing right there and somene's talking about your friends. It's craziness. =:O  God forbid if we touch the wrestiling mats! You know, they have all these diseases and such. We could get ring worm, OMG! Such effing girls they are, it sickens me. I can't wait until this season is over, maybe it'll be different next year with Mary and Jenna gone. We'll have a new coach, we'll be running the squad, Ally won't push her authority (she'll for sure be captain next year), me and Christina will decide when and when not to tumble, and it'll just be better because we'll rock 8-)  haha MAN! I hate being a girl. Periods suck! And so do guys, friends too. GRR! I had nothing to do thursday night, nothing to do last night and nothing to do tonight. Want to bet everyone will be busy again tomorrow or just not care to call me.. yea I think so too. Well, I'm out. Wish us luck tomrrow! ;)


                                      SwEeT~dReAmZ
                                                             -court

How can I tell him that I'm not so interested anymore. Sure, it would seem easy, but it's not so much. I guess I am still in a way. It's nice having someone like you, feeling that special feeling, knowing he feels the same. But he's not all mine, never has been, never will be. But you, you on the other hand, you're all mine. No matter what anybody else thinks, no matter what anybody else says, no matter what anybody else feels... you are mine and will always be mine. From the moment I first met you that perfect autumn evening, I knew I would somehow have you. I jumped at the first chance to walk alone with you and the way you struck up a conversation, I ate my heart out. I feel so embarassed remembering every little detail of that night, you buying a soft pretzel with cheese, standing next to you on the very top of the bleachers, offering mints as someone suggested we play spin the bottle, asking Joe if you could kiss his girlfriend, Matt Kramer kissing his hand and touching my forehead, Samantha and Dan had to kiss, me praying that the bottle would land on me when you spun it, praying that you would be my first kiss even though I just met you. And in a way you sort of were my first kiss. Sure, 10 months had gone by since me and Shawn made out on my couch and me thinking that was the greatest thing in the world, but our kiss was more special to me. It was completely spontaneous and unexpected, it was outside beneath the stars, it was in the middle of Mill Creek Park beneath the Rose Garden (probably the most beautiful place in Youngstown lol), and I had somewhat secretly waited for that kiss for two years. It was a dream come true. Then of course my dream was shattered in a matter of forty-eight hours, but it was still so special to me and I will cherish that moment for the rest of my life.

::shakes head::
Enough of my dream world. I'm sick. And sickness sucks. Then my brother took my computer screen and didn't put it back on my computer until after 7:00. And he's the one who gave me this cold. BLECH! I haven't done my notecards for the research paper either, so guess who is staying home tomorrow... It kind of sucks because tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I was going to make a big deal about it with friends and pass out Valentines and candy or brownies. And I just happened to see Daniel buying the rose/candy gram things at lunch the other day. :(  One was probably for me because he's so sweet like that and now I won't get it. So sad. Well, maybe it wasn't for me and it was for Mary. UGH! That would blow. I bought him and Joe one of the candy ones because I'm not all about giving flowers to guys. I did that last year and Joe seemed sort of weirded out. lol

I HATE COLDS! And nobody loves me. :(  hmm.. somebody else took my truth quiz and I want to know who. :P

lol I'm done.
good-night
          -court

What A Crappy Day... I woke up later than I wanted to, got to school earlier than normal, Kito came up to me, pushed me, then walked away and wouldn't answer when I called him, pretty much ignored me the rest of the day, no lemonade at lunch, wanted candy but gave it up, had to jump at practice when I couldn't even move, worked more on the gay moves to our "new" routine, had to go to the library, was there for three hours, accomplished barely half of what I needed to, missed the first half of my show, didn't get dinner until 8:45, I IMed Grimes, he said hi and then wouldn't talk anymore, bath tub is clogged again so there's all this grossness at the bottom of it, can't decide how to wear my hair tomorrow, don't know what to wear tomorrow... ok so now I'm just finding anything and everything to complain about, so you get the picture. It's like every other day Kito has a different reaction towards me. So I figure I'll just leave him alone, but I can't. :\  And I don't know when the last time I had a real conversation with Grimes, but I guess that is partly my fault. I'm in a sports bra and pajama pants, freezing my butt off, but don't feel like putting on a shirt. haha That was random. For lent I gave up sweets and eating in between meals, pop and all that stuff. I'm not sure how long it will last, but i know not for very long. I've lasted two days so far, well sort of. I had a sucker by accident yesterday after practice. :x  I just feel so fat and lazy, not cool. I'm not looking foreward to track though. Usually I am, but this year I'm just not excited about t at all. hmm... my brother gave me his cold.. bastard. lol So I have a gross cough that hurts my chest and sneezing and a headache and all that fun stuff. And he's being a butt and not letting Kito look at his computer he built. He's doing something wrong, but he doesn't think Kito will know what to do. He doesn't understand that he's a very smart cookie. Has internship offers already I believe. Well, at least I know he was a guest speaker at this dinner thing and gave a presentation and all that and people gave him their cards. But yea... Those microfiche machines at the library give me a headache. in fact, it still hurts. :\  I'm going to go get some water and head to sleep.

Sweet~Dreamz to me! ;)